The strategic response: How to master emotional reactions

I don’t know about you, but I’ve spoken without thinking numerous times - whether it’s rambling a bit too much when I was trying to put my thoughts into words or flying off the handle at someone who was infuriating.

This brings me back to an experience that I had in my workplace years ago. I admittedly traded verbal blows with my archenemy. Things got ugly very quickly. I don’t quite remember exactly what the disagreement was about, but I do recall this guy being an extreme narcissist. He constantly twisted my words and manipulated situations to play ‘the victim.’ He caught me off guard one day; I let my emotions take over and I answered him aggressively. The moment I said it, although accurate, I knew I had gone too far. I felt a nudge in my conscience, and I apologized for my behavior and asked for his forgiveness. Even though his response was minimal, I knew extending an apology was the honorable choice. Unfortunately, the situation did not stop there; he escalated it to my supervisor and the wider team. It took a while for the drama to fizzle out. However, I walked away with one essential takeaway, which was when I encounter a difficult person or situation, there’s wisdom in taking a moment to think before I speak.

Since then, I try to live by that lesson, but I don’t always succeed. Recently, I came across this video by Daryl Black that describes a simple rule that can help, which is “There is power in your pause.” (https://www.instagram.com/reel/DR0rz-TkW-3/?NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ==)igsh=) Instead of just reacting to a situation, a purposeful pause allows you to choose your next move. Although this concept is pretty straightforward and makes perfect sense, he delivers it in a catchy way that really makes you think about hitting pause during tough moments.

I particularly like when he says, “Pause - it puts your emotions on hold, so wisdom can catch up.” Though for me, I also attribute this to verbal diarrhea. LOL.

He goes on to say, “Pause before you react.” A reaction can cause you to lose respect. But pause can save the relationship.” It puts your emotions on hold so that wisdom can catch up. Finally, pausing helps us to reassert our authority over the situation. As he also insightfully points out that, “When you pause, you choose the response, instead of letting the moment choose it for you.”

Lesson learned: When encountering conflict, a moment of reflection helps me to stay thoughtful, respond in an appropriate way, and protects my peace. Instead of reacting impulsively, take an extra two seconds, give space to yourself and Pause! 

Take an extra two seconds, pause and then speak!