Has loneliness knocked at your door and have you answered it?

A few weeks ago, I wrote a blog on “Are your friendships like tonic and gratifying or are toxic and draining you?” While I was writing it, I came across the topic of loneliness, which piqued my interest. The article that I shared in that blog - “The science of why friendships keep us healthy” (The science of friendship (apa.org)), mentions that “people who have friends and close confidants are more satisfied with their lives and less likely to suffer from depression.” Also “when people are low in social connection - because of isolation, loneliness, or poor-quality relationships - they face an increased risk of premature death.”

Loneliness, as defined by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) = “feeling like you do not have meaningful or close relationships or a sense of belonging.”

Although, I haven’t struggled much with loneliness, I do recall a few bouts of loneliness when I was younger, and it was very similar to the CDC’s definition. When I look back at the times that I experienced this, it was because I didn’t feel like I had many close or true friends and also that I felt that I didn’t fit in with any of the usual groups of kids - the athletes, popular kids, nerds or the rebellious.

You may say to yourself as you are reading this, what gives you the authority to talk about loneliness? And, I’d say to you that, although I have not struggled in this area much, I have had many challenges in the various feelings that it produces - lack of peace, sadness, lack of joy, among others. I have felt a lack of belonging and that I didn’t have many close relationships. Also, I have known quite a few people who have struggled with this in the past, including one of my close family members. I don’t think I realized back then what she was going through, but now that I have a better understanding of it, and I am aware of how detrimental it can be to one’s health, I am more sympathetic towards others that are suffering with loneliness. This is also a topic that I am passionate about, and after having done some research, I realize that this is a subject that deserves a higher level of awareness in our communities, families and other spheres of influence.

I was surprised to see in the January 2024, New APA (American Psychiatric Association) Poll: One in three Americans feel lonely every week.” (Psychiatry.org - New APA Poll: One in Three Americans Feels Lonely Every Week). I had no idea how serious loneliness is in our society. Although, it makes sense given more Americans are living by themselves; the lightning-fast evolution of technology; the exacerbation of loneliness by the pandemic; the rise of social media (less time in face-to-face interactions); among others. I was reading somewhere that the rise of social platforms has almost tripled their user base in the last decade from 970 million in 2010 to 4.95 billion+ users in October 2023. It is ironic that the word “social” is part of the word social media, as this platform seems to be a major contributor to a general decrease in live human interactions, and corresponding feelings of loneliness.

I found an article on “The irony of social media” (The Irony of Social Media (melissahughes.rocks)) and it mentions a study that was conducted in 1988 by Carnegie Mellon that showed a correlation between increased Internet usage and increased loneliness. The term “Internet paradox” was coined to describe the “contradiction between an increased opportunity to connect and a lack of human connection.

There’s one generation, Gen Z (known as “zoomers”) that we should pay particular attention to with regards to loneliness and mental health, as they are digital natives - the Internet has always been part of their lives. One of my favorite humans is a Gen Z. Her family is very careful to protect her and put guidelines in place for her social media usage. However, she also happens to be an exceptional kid, and understands that social media has its place, but that true relationships are more important. I’m really proud of her.

Not only is loneliness real, but according to many of the articles I was reading, loneliness has become an epidemic in the U.S. One article said that “lacking a social connection is considered more dangerous than smoking 15 cigarettes a day and deadlier than obesity.” The same article goes onto talk about how when you are socially isolated (lonely), the emotional and psychological stress takes a physical toll on a body and persistent loneliness is linked to high blood pressure, depression, heart disease, and stroke, among other conditions, including Alzheimer’s disease - due to increased inflammation. 

If you have or are experiencing any loneliness, below are a few ideas from the article on “Loneliness is the quiet health epidemic, impacting your heart, brain and longevity” by Jennifer Wolff, of how to feel less lonely, and more connected:

1.     Look up old friends - They probably want to catch up too.

2.     Talk to strangers – Even 30 seconds of friendly conversation with a store clerk or Uber driver has a positive impact on mood.

3.     Practice gratitude - Focus on things in your life that make you feel fortunate: family, pets, nice place to live, etc.

4.     Exercise and get enough sleep - Both contribute to mood regulation and overall health.

5.     Take a class - Sign up for something you’ve never tried, like dance, art, etc. Active learning exercises your brain, and you may make some new friends.

6.     Volunteer - It’s harder to feel sorry for yourself when you're helping to improve the lives of others. Data shows that volunteering gives people purpose, which raises their self-esteem, in turn making them less lonely.