What do you enjoy doing?

From time to time, my husband and I like to check-in with each other to see how the other one is doing. In our latest catch-up, my husband asked me a basic question, “What do you enjoy doing?” Of course, he knows what I like doing, but I think that he wanted to spur some additional conversation around this. I looked at him like a deer caught in a headlight, and I didn’t say anything. I wasn’t trying to be rude, but, for me, the answer was not so simple. He asked the question a second time, but in a different way. He asked, “What are some of the things you take pleasure in or that you like doing?”

It seems like such a straightforward, simple question, right? Perhaps I was having an off day, but the answer was not so simple. I sat there a bit dumbfounded and then I finally answered and said “I really enjoy spending time with God - reading my devotional, Bible verses, and I love to sing praise songs. Also, I love spending time with you (my husband).” 

One thing my husband noticed is that I didn’t mention playing pickle ball as one of my favorite past times. I’ll come back to this one…

Just then, I asked my husband about his favorite hobbies and immediately, he had a big smile on his face and quickly responded with four or five things. The vast differences in our responses caused me to spend a little more time mulling it over in my head.

An internal monologue began to develop within me. So many questions came up for me like “Wouldn’t most people choose pleasurable things over things they dislike? Am I such an odd duckling that it took me a few minutes to come up with activities that I like to do? Or am I too focused on achieving this or that, that I am ignoring or failing to recognize activities that I delight in?"

I don’t subscribe to the belief that I am abnormal or unusual. However, 10 years ago, my company had me take a personality test, called the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. It was a questionnaire that categorized people into different personality types. This questionnaire asks people how they prefer to focus, learn, decide, and live. I also wanted to take this test to have a better understanding of my personality make-up as well as the personalities of others. Prior to sharing the results of the test with me, my HR Director prefaced the discussion with this, “You fall into a personality type that is approximately 2% of the population.” Immediately, I thought “OK, so I am a freak!” LOL! 

I found out that I was an INTJ (Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking and Judging). Apparently, this personality type is characterized by independent thinking, strategic planning, strong, analytical skills, and a preference of logic over emotion. It was spot on!

I’ve always been a super driven person, whether it is working on bringing in a new client or winning a project, organizing my home, mastering Pickleball, and the list goes on and on.

However, as I’m sharing this, I’m reminding myself of my personality type (highly driven), BUT, if left unchecked, it can have a negative effect on me. For example, my attempt to master Pickle Ball. In the last few weeks, I’ve gotten so wrapped up in my strive for excellence, as well as seeking the approval of other pickle Ballers, that I became so distracted and couldn’t focus my attention on basic techniques, not to mention that I lost my joy for this beautiful sport. One thing I have prayed about numerous times, is that if I’m going down the wrong path in my thinking or actions, that the Lord would do whatever is needed to get my attention, so that I won’t continue heading in the wrong direction. Sure enough, that night my husband, and I talked about it, prayed about it, and I’m moving towards a healthy and joyful approach to playing pickle ball. This approach is all about having fun and getting exercise.

One other thing. I think that the way a person is raised, significantly contributes to their personality. In my case, I believe that my challenging childhood could have somehow contributed to me being more serious in nature and struggling with playfulness. I have heard that childhood trauma can impact the development of healthy coping mechanisms and emotional stabilization, and that it can lead to a difficulty in relaxing and participating in joyous activities. Of course, I’m not solely blaming my personality on my upbringing. My achievement-oriented and serious demeanor could very well be the kind of person I am. I mentioned this to my husband, and he reminded me that “You can’t change your past, but you can change your future,” which I agree. I need to consciously make an effort to be more lighthearted and playful.

Lesson learned: Given my highly ambitious and earnest disposition, I need to embrace lightheartedness and find joy in the little things, so that I can loosen up, laugh more, and appreciate the lighter side of life, without taking everything so seriously. I am realizing more each day, that life is meant to be enjoyed, so live it to the fullest!

Enjoy life to the fullest!